thinking of you #night nine

last night you invited me over i got to lay with you and touch you and kiss you. it was so good to feel that again. i can see that you like me too i just hate that you hold back when we text or something...i wish you would be like you are when its just me and you nobody to watch us. or judge or influence. just me and you. 

i love kissing you. the first time you kissed me tonight....you caught me off gaurd and it felt eletric all through my body i really hope you felt it too cause it was so great. i love kissing you there is nothing better. ive kissed other people but its just not the same. they arent you.

thinking of you #night eight

you made plans to cuddle with me :) i love you

i love hanging out with you and just bein myself with you. you were my very best friend i hope one day you will be again.

thinking of you #night seven

do you miss me?

i love those really long hugs we used to share.

thinking of you #night six continued

im doing two tonight cause its a good one and i dont want to forget this one.

i love that you still give me butterflies. i love that when i know im going to see you i get crazy nervous and my heart beats wayyy faster  than it should be. and i love that sincr weve had time apart now you make me toungue tied again and im so nervous about impressing you just like in the begginning i wonder if you feel that too.

thinking of you #night six

you pretend you dont love me buy i know better. i better make this one quick you just texted.

i love your big blue eyes. and they way you used to look at me. how they change color sometimes. i love just looking into them especially when youre looking back into mine. mine are watering right now. i love you baby.

thinking of you #night five

tonight i told you goodbye and you didnt fight for me.

i love when you lt me see who you really are inside.

thinking of you #night four

tonight you were there for me and cheered me up when i was sad

i love you caring heart. dont ever change that even though people will hurt you not everybodys trying to. some people just want to love you.

thinking of you #night three

you know what they say.....if shes stupid enough to love you after you broke her heat she is the one. i wonder if you still think im the one? ive been thinking alot about my future and it just doesnt seem right with you. i am excited about getting my own apartment maybe having a roommate but i really just want it to be you. i was thinking about having my own place and having you sleepover finally sleepover the way we always talked about. or maybe renting a hotel when we go to prom together and we can actually sleep all night long together. just to see what its like then i think youll know if you want to wake up to me every morning.


I love the text messages you used to send me when i was feeling bad...i wish you still did that the really long heartfelt messages that were 6 pages long. or the time when you first told me you loved me at the end of a poem you wrote for me. i wish you still did that too... you were so perfect before i wrecked you...

you broke my heart tonight

i stayed up waiting for you and i was so excited to talk to you but you said that yoy were too tired andd you diznt like my angry birds underwear i know its stupid but i cant stop crying i try so hard to get your attention and i wait for you everyday from when i wake up and i think of all of the things i want to tell yoy aboyt my day and it just feels like you dont care sometimes i feel likee im the only one tryinf to make it work it really realllly hurts. but you made an effort by saying youd stay on for five more minuets but you didnt really....then i see sarah post on your wall that you promised her youd bring her back shells. that was it couldnt ignore it anymore not to meantion i already ignored a wall post from some other girl earlier today. so yes you broke my heart tonight. i go out of my way to make you happy and you dont even appreciate it. your going to bring shells home for sarah the girl who calls you a little bitch and talks behind your back the girl who says shes using you and would like to break your knee caps. yes bring her the shells. not the girl who gives you her heart not the girl who was there for you everytime you fell. not the girl you claim to have loved and will always be in your heart. no fuck her. fuck her just like you did before. when she tried to kill herself you dumped her. when she needed you you left her. you should have been there everytime she cried you should have been there when she needed you. you should have loved her before it was to late.

thinking of you #night two

im missin you trying really hard to stay up so we can talk but i dont know if i will make it...

i love those nights when it was time for you to leave and you never wanted to go i miss when you loved being with me. I love you Alan.

thinking of you #night one

ive decided every night that i stay up thinking of the one i love im going to blog about one thing i love about him.

i love when im cuddling with you and you tell me to come closer though we are already very very close and you pull me against you even more almost like we are one. :) i love when you do that so much.

my favorite thing about you

i will never forget all the beautiful memories we shared. everynight i see your smile in my mind your real one not the one you take pictures with. its the first thing i think about in the morning. sometimes it makes me sad because i really miss seeing it and its rare cause its not the smile you usually show its your geniunly happy and you cant even try to hide it smile its also your im lying to you katie and you caught me smile. the kind that you always get when you say "i hate babies" and i say "you love babies" and you make a giant smile and you have to turn around and hide because you cant hold it back. thinking aboit it makes me want to kiss you a hundred times. i loved being in your arms i always felt safe and just loved you were my first love and thats a spot nobody can replace. i remember one night we were sitting on the couch talking and you were laying on my lap and you told me all embarrassed that i was the first person to ever make you feel loved. you might not remember little things like that but i can play it like a movie in my head. i remember alot of nights with you and things you told me that you probably dont remember i know it might not have always seemed like it but i did listen to you and i remember alot of it some things i wish i didnt....but i do i didnt act like it but i was listening to you and i remember alot of your exact words about random things when somthing reminds me of you. yesterday i went in the kitchen and i started laughing cause i remembered one time when you were eating ramon noodles and took a giant spoon full and choked and then you did the same thing like three more times until you didnt choke because you wanted to show me you could do it. someone asked me the other day what my favorite memory with you was and you know what i said? that night when we both laid in sleeping bags and just talked for hours. and i know to you it probably was just another night but that night reassured me how much i loved you. just laying there talking with you it was so easy and simple you cant do that with alot of people you were my bestfriend. i loved just sitting in that basement chair with you for hours who else could you do that with? wed just sit there and talk and sometimes kiss but im sure there isnt alot of people i could sit in a
 room with for hours like that. that was my favorite part about being with you justt always having you around to talk to no matter what it was about.

its not like the movies

i dont understand why love has to hurt i NEVER imagined id feel pain this deep i thought when i fell in love he would be perfect and accepting of me....i thought that no matter what happend he wouldnt walk away...our love would never die wed get married and make beautiful babies together. bull shit. its not like that at all and screw you love stories for poisining my brain with that. its not like the movies there is no prince. but there is a bunch of liers and cheaters and heart breakers the world is quite stocked up on those. i neeed someone thats real who will keep every promise no matter how small or stupid. guys....if you dont feel something or really actually mean it....dont you dare promise her.